Always Me
As one season transitions to another and I prep for sweater weather, I know I have to gradually transition. An easy way for me to work sweaters back into my everyday look is to pair them with my favie pair of denim shorts, and some fall footwear. I mean, this look is effortless, just like my love of fall. Pretty soon the weather will turn these shorts into jeans and my life will feel complete.
/ shorts / similar sweater / similar shoes / adorable heeled mule /
If you read my latest Instagram caption you probably gathered that I have been selfish lately. And, you also have probably gathered that I am just now noticing there is a difference between being vulnerable and being transparent. Thanks to this season’s Bible Study at church I am learning a lot about the “unforced rhymes of grace.” How I am wearing myself out proving who I am, when instead I need pull closer to Jesus, to live as he did so I can live more life, fully connected, and perfectly free.
When reading through the Proven study homework by Jennie Allen, I came across the following quote and it was a serious lightbulb moment. She wrote, “Vulnerability is the edited disclosure of feelings or parts of your life. Transparency is exposing the unedited, unfiltered, unflattering parts of your soul.”
Lately I have been wondering how much should I share in the social media world? The more I prayed on it the more I realized I want others to feel ok. And, by ok I mean I want them to feel human in the aspect that all of us are dealing with this thing called life. I don’t want to be someone who only shows the good and not the bad. I want other moms to know I mess up. I want other wives to know that despite deeply loving my husband we still have to work hard together to figure out marriage. I want other women to know that we all have insecurities, fears, difficulties. But, how do I do that when I only share my happier thoughts, my edited life?
I don’t.
I can’t be real, without actually being real.
So, in the interest of full transparency, I have been selfish, sad, withdrawn, and slightly unhinged recently.
In what way you wonder? In my time. More specifically how I am allotting it to people I love and daily activities. I have not been giving time to my family. I have not been dedicating time to what needs to be done to make our family function smoothly.
You may call it a rut.
I am going to call it a setback.
Because, let’s face it : I put everything I love on the back burner. I made myself more important than anything else.
If you are wondering how, you should be asking me : How many books have you read in the last three weeks?
And, my answer would maybe be alarming to you.
14.
Yes, 14 books.
It’s basically a book in a little over a day.
How does a mother of three read entire book in about a day and a half?
By neglecting her kids a bit. Now, don’t take this too far, they were cared for : fed, driven to school and all activities, homework competed, bathed and in bed on time.
But, any single second they were occupied my mind stepped away and into a book. If their tv show was on it meant Mommy could read. If they were focused on homework I was sneaking in a few pages. If the baby played by himself for a minute it gave me the opportunity to pick up my book.
I did the least amount of laundry possible, I never made our beds, hardly tidied up my kitchen, barely worked out, cooked the easiest meals possible.
I literally did the bare minimum.
I went to bed way too late, and woke up constantly tired.
I made excuses for every time I picked up a book over my family. Excuses like : I deserve me time, I earned this, they will be fine. Which all is true. But, I had no moderation, no filter. I just kept being selfish and distant.
Now, reading in and of itself is not bad. But, when you read in an obsessive manner it becomes like an addiction. A reading addiction isn’t horrible, but putting a book’s priority over the love you have to offer your family is. It 100% is. And, I am ashamed. I am saddened and sickened that I could take something as magical as reading and turn it into something that drives a wedge between me and my loved ones.
And, then I think of all the time I spend reading books – good books don’t get me wrong – but, do I spend enough time reading the most important book?
No.
I have never read the Bible cover to cover. Yet, I have read Beautiful Disaster at least 12 times, I just re-read Maybe Someday for the third time, and I finished the seven Gender Games books in 11 days.
So, here I sit in my insecurity. Here I am in words wondering : why?
And, low and behold I read in the introduction of the above mentioned Bible Study, “What if instead of numbing out because you are tired of striving, you were at peace and could enjoy your life? Jesus has a plan for our emptiness, our fatigue, our inadequacies, our sin. ‘Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, a river of living water will flow from within them.’ John 7:37-38. Jesus is saying, keep coming back to Me and I will keep satisfying you. And out of that life with Me, you will overflow and bring life to others.”
So, humbly and transparently, I say to you : I am not enough, but I know someone who is. I shall return more faithfully to His words and heal myself so I am no longer selfish and hiding in books. I will refocus on God so I can rejoin my family and live boldly. So that, my favorite hobby of reading remains just that, a hobby. So that, any other distractions from Him are addressed and resolved.
Also, I will resume taking my thyroid medication, because I just realized that three weeks without fulfilling my prescription really truly wrecked my world, my mind, and my family. I really, really dislike when I feel my mind gets away from me and I wallow in self-doubt.
I don’t want to hide in books anymore, I want to bury myself in The Book. I want to still enjoy reading, but live fully for the only read that truly matters.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me — watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhymes of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Mathew 11:28-30
A while ago I got this amazeballs crystal choker from Itchelita Jewelry . I kept thinking : oh I’ll wear it on our next date night! But, low and behold we literally haven’t had one. Not one in moooooonths! It’s a busy season my friends and majority of our time is spent together as a family or shuffling kids back and forth to school and their extracurricular activities.
Every time I entered my closet and saw this necklace hanging in my jewelry section I would start day dreaming about outfits to wear on my non existent date. Well, this Mama got tired of waiting for a fancy date. Because, honestly to me they are overrated and make me a bit uncomfortable. The perfect date with my husband is us at home, with all the kids asleep, a bottle of wine, and a good show/movie or just a chance to chat. I’m serious. That is what I love to do most with my man. Just be us at home in our element.
But, on the rare occasion that I found myself standing in my closet wishing I loved fancy dates I would want to be wearing this fun choker.
Well do you know what? Life waits for no one.
Yep.
Life just keeps on rolling, busy as ever, and here I am doing my best to keep up.
I decided to take the bull by the horns, or the necklace by the clasp, and just go with it. Just go with where I am at in life. So, I made my everyday a little more extra by adding some sparkle. And, do you know what? It felt pretty good.
Don’t get me wrong I love a good dress or a reason to get a little fancy. But, daily I’m like : gimme all the denim and cotton and I’m good. At this stage in my life I like no effort fashion. The type of items I can throw on and run out the door after my babes.
Easy breezy lemon squeezy with a fancy choker on top.
Amazing how accessories have the ability to up my no effort outfit game.
Jeans, a tee, and a bit of sparkle?!
Yes to the please!
Sometimes we match sometimes we don’t. But, always we are best friends.
I can’t tell you what it’s like to have a friend be so supportive of all your creative dreams and endeavors. I promise you this. If it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t have started this blog. And, let’s be honest, if it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t be continuing this blog.
In a social media world that is inundated with content creators and influencers it’s hard not to feel very little. But, every time I talk to her, brainstorm ideas, tell her my social media insecurities she makes me feel big. When you have a friend that makes you feel significant, please don’t ever waste it.
Thank you Asha for all of the love and strength you unknowingly give me. And, major thanks to the big man up stairs for putting Asha and I in the same first grade class and providing us the opportunity to become friends that last a life time.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
// my shirt // Asha’s dress //
Soooooo, school started which basically, in my humble opinion, means summer is over. The second our schedule is jammed packed and tied down, and that easy breezy feeling is gone, it’s like buh-bye summer.
But, say it isn’t so! Summer went too fast this year! Even though I’m sick of sweating to death, I’m not quite ready for it to be gone. What to do in this pickle? Well, I’m solving that by wearing the brightest pair of shoes and drinking wine with my ladies. Because, well summer is bright and colorful, and full of fun and happy family meets ups. So, ya, I’m going to keep that vibe a bit longer.
My home girls right here are everything. I mean, I am blessed. When sister-in-laws become best friends, it’s like seriously the most amazing thing ever. I have said it before, and I’ll say it again : I married into the best family. There isn’t a day that goes by that I am not grateful for the people God has placed in my life. And, one of the things I am most thankful for is a bunch of in-laws that I truly do love and love me in return. It’s 100% one of my greatest gifts.
The main thing that I love about us is our uniqueness. I mean, we are all so different, but somehow the same. Although, we have different goals, styles, and hobbies, we love big, deep, and loyal. There is a loud one to a quiet one, a sporty one to a girlie one, a stay at home mom to a working mom, a mom to a stepmom, a feisty one to a tame one, a book nerd to a tv show marathoner. Somehow this eclectic bunch comes together and it’s magic. It’s love. It’s fun. It’s sisterhood.
To these girls pictured here and the few sisters that couldn’t make this wine day, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the love you bring to my life. I grew up with an amazing brother, but I always wanted a sister. And, look how many amazing sisters God blessed me with. I am forever truly grateful for you ladies.
Eh hem, insert cough here, please remember all these good flowing emotions next time I text asking, “Which one of you can watch the babies?!”
And, wine. I mean would it be a family gathering if there was no wine? It’s like that age old question : if a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, did it fall?
We like our wine. Ok, ok. I won’t lie. We love our wine. Well, most of us do. One of these ladies pictured does not like the beloved vino. Gasp! I know. I know. She is a beer girl. Which, to this celiac, basically means war. Just kidding. You can keep your beer sister, that leaves more wine for moi.
But, honestly, I feel like our usual spot is a winery or a brewery. We are very lucky to live so close to so many cool local joints. The majority of them are kid friendly, which is a huuuuuuge plus. We love to gather the family and friends, bring a big potluck picnic style meal and just hang out. We usually end up being a pretty huge group and take over a great deal of any space we inhabit so we tend to stick to places with fun and large outdoor areas. We are a more the merrier type of people. And, that includes wine too!
Aaaaaand, for reals these amazing Free People mules from Matta Lou Boutique are seriously all the rage. I have been eyeing this bold and funky print for some time and I can honestly say they make my feet happy. When I look down I smile. How can you not when you see these?! They are summer if summer were a shoe. So, I’m going to wear these on repeat like I am going to hold on to summer.
Anyways….
The BEST shorts ever. Hands down.
Yes. It’s true.
I’ve found my new favorite pair of denim shorts. And, people let me tell you : I’m a big connoisseur of jean shorts. Somehow, I have amassed a decent sized collection so far. Ok, ok, I am acting surprised by this, but truth is, every summer I get at least one new pair of shorts. I can’t help myself. Is it the SoCal in me? Not sure, but the habit hasn’t changed after living in NorCal for five years.
At the beginning of spring, I bought a new pair of high waisted Levi’s. And, I do love a good pair of Levi’s and have worn them quite a bit so far. However, when I stumbled upon these AGOLDE in the wee hours of the morning while trolling Nordstroms whilst nursing the babe, I knew I had to have them.
These shorts fit seamlessly into my wardrobe and I wear them literally almost every day. Or, every day I leave the house and they are clean.
What makes these bad boys so magical?! They are high waisted without looking like Urkel, they are distressed without looking trashy, and they are short but still momlife appropriate. A total win in my book! I mean denim that holds all of the mom tummy skin in place, while being comfy, cute, and totally acceptable for kid functions?! Yes, I’m like Charlie Sheen, because I’m “winning”! Like majorly winning.
These pictures were snapped by daughter right after a Target run, and before hitting up the grocery store. As you can see, my everyday style is very relaxed and causal. But, let me tell you, I felt confident, cute, and ready to take on the day.
Now that I think of it, maybe these shorts are like my big girl panties. They give me all I need to buck up and do what needs to be done, like the five loads of laundry I’m off to do.
Anyways, chat later.
// shorts // same shorts but darker denim //
No. Seriously. Didn’t summer just start?!
I mean time is not being very fair to this mama heart of mine!
A second grader?! How is she in second grade? It seems like she just started preschool and here she is entering her second grade year of school.
I am so proud of the girl she has become and the one she is striving to be. She has a heart of gold and a joyful spirit that no one can match. She finds beauty in the small things and reminds us all to do the same. Her excitement for life fills our family with so much wonder and happiness. She is life. I love watching her grow.
Current Favorites
Subjects : Math, Science, and Language Arts
Color : Hot Pink
Animals : Cheetah, Horse, Cat, and Dog
Dessert : Macaroons from Paris
Movie : Beauty and the Beast
Books : The Harry Potter Series & The Never Girls Series
Things to do : I like to dance and play soccer
When I grow up I want to be : a dancer or a scientist
Stop it! How is he in kindergarten?!?! This is such a big year! For him and me. We are hardly ever separated. I mean, how will I survive without his constant snuggles? My barnacle baby who is always attached to me or within arms reach, is off to big kid school. While I am so happy for his bravery my heart breaks, because everything is changing. I can’t keep up with the emotions. It’s too much.
Current Favorites
Subject : What is that?
Color : Blue
Animal : All of them
Desserts : Everything good like ice cream, chocolate, and dots
Movie : All Lego movies
Books : The Harry Potter Series, Ninjago books, and animal books
Thing to do : Play Legos
When I grow up I want to be : an archaeologist or zoologist
I’m not quite sure why time goes so fast once you have kids. Slow down time! Keep them little! I already miss today, and it isn’t even over.
Little Miss A Monet // top // skirt // kicks // hair clip //
B Man // top // shorts // kicks //
Not quite sure what’s better : shopping and champagne or shopping with girlfriends?!
Oh. Wait. I don’t have to chose?! SOLD!
Major props to DAMAS – an adorable local Sacramento boutique – for hosting a fabulous evening of shopping, champs and girlfriends, old and new. I feel so lucky that I was invited to this fun little soirée and meet and greet. I truly enjoyed conversations with everyone I was introduced to and all of the lovely ladies I already knew. It’s always great to connect with other creative and artistic types. And, it’s so important to get out and meet new people. I know that I for one get very stuck in my routine at home. So, I’m beyond glad for these fun ladies that dragged me out and completely forced me to enjoy myself. I’m pleased to introduce you to Kachet, Meaghan, Krya, Kelly, and Elizabeth.
And, can we take a minute to say that I had so much fun with this group of girls that I was completely distracted and forgot to purchase the fun items I found! I mean, how ridiculous! I think I need to head back to DAMAS and rectify the situation.
I loved the selection that the boutique had to offer. I typically struggle when shopping at boutiques and can’t ever find items I want to purchase or that fit me correctly or if I love something it’s not in my price point. I didn’t find this so with DAMAS’ current selection. There were numerous accessories, like these fun sunnies and this wooden bag that I would looooove to add to my closet. For reals, so fabulous right? They even totally matched what I wore that night. I think it basically means they are already mine.
And, can we take a minute to talk about this dress? So gorg, right? It makes me want to find somewhere to wear it to! Ok, babe if you are reading this we need a date night and I’ll get this dress. Or, ladies, wine night?!?!
Let’s talk about this fun and flirty look that Asha put together. So fab right? I love this bodysuit and skirt on her. And, that fan?! I die.
Moral of the story? I had a fabulous time at DAMAS’ meet and greet! If you are in the Sacramento area you should totally check out this cute, little boutique. Head to 3417 Broadway in Oak Park, Sacramento.
And, if you want to know what is so hilarious, Meaghan is totally calling me out because I said, “Okay, now laugh like you are a grandpa.” I mean, we had to get that typical laughing blogger pic, right?! And, over exaggerated grandpa laughs are the way to go. Just saying.
Oh, and thanks Russell for snapping these lovely pictures of me and my bestie.
Major skills!
Check out all my girls blogs, websites, and info here : Asha, Kachet, Meaghan, Krya, Kelly, and Elizabeth.
And, that’s a wrap!
*All jewelry worn by me and Asha is from the amazing Carolyn Hearn Designs. Use OF20 for a 20% discount. You can thank me later.
* Intetior Damas shot by Kelly.
Tired. Busy. Need sleep.
My mama days are looking a lot like :
Baby wakes up. Nurse baby. Older kids wake up. Feed the kids. Get the kids dressed. Drop older kids at camp. Drive home. Get baby down for a nap. Work out. Clean kitchen and unload dishwasher. Shower. Rush through hair and make up. Baby wakes up or wake baby up. Feed baby. Pick up kids from camp. Come home. Feed the kids lunch. Clean up lunch. Play date / pool time / errands. Feed kids dinner. Bath kids. Get kids to sleep. Clean up the house. Get in bed. Wake up and do it all over again.
And, in the midst of this is laundry, cooking, cleaning, organizing, and socializing. Oh, and teaching the kids to read and explore.
It’s a busy season. A very busy season.
But, even on my most overwhelmed and jam packed days I think : how full is my heart?
And, the thing is, my heart is so full it could burst. So, I’ll take these crazy days and sleepless nights. One summer I’ll get my wish of laying out solo and relaxing, and I know I’ll only like it for a day. I’ll want my babies small, at home, and needing me. So, here I am, trying to soak up this busy summer, this crazy season, this thing called motherhood.
Because, one day I’ll have to let these babies fly the coop. And, my life may feel empty without them right next to me.
This summer is about enjoying the present. There is no one else I would rather be with than my loves.
Que the large gaps between blog posts, this mama is summering three kid style.
Oh, and as for my summer momiform, give me all the denim shorts and easy tees please!
// top // similar shorts // similar hat // sandals // babe necklace //
If you watch my insta stories then you know about my total mom fail. I mean, it was epic. Bad mom. Bad.
Despite this recent epic fail, I need to give myself grace to know things like this will happen and that my guilt shall pass.
What is my Mommy Blunder that still has me feeling bad four weeks later? Oh, that would be missing my son’s preschool graduation. And, when I say missing, I don’t just mean me. I mean, like our whole entire family, son included, did not show up.
Why, you say? Apparently, I don’t have life with three kids figured out as well as I thought I did. That, and the fact that I should maybe read the emails the preschool sends. Yes, I don’t check my email daily. My bad. Sometimes the day gets away from me and the daunting number of unread email notifications on my screen makes me hide from my phone. Serious.
I still feel bad. But, honestly, in 20 years will my son remember that I forgot his preschool graduation? I really hope not. But, today, tomorrow and everyday going forward I must realize I am doing the best I can. All I can. And sometimes more. Motherhood is hard. Juggling schedules is hard. I am going to mess up, freak out, forget things, and so on. I’m only human. I am a work in progress. I am learning from my mistakes, I am remembering what I have done right, and I am figuring it out.
When these things happen I need to teach my kids how to deal with them. I need to be an example for them : mommy is not perfect, but mommy is always trying her best. I don’t expect perfection from them. Why do I expect it from me?
So on the day of his graduation, I got myself and the kids dressed fancier than usual and my husband was on his way to meet us at school. And, bam! My son’s teacher texts me saying something to the effect of : Sorry we missed you today. I was standing there, fully dressed, shoving kids into the car like, “Um what?!“After texting back and forth I find out they moved the ceremony forward two hours to account for the heat wave. They didn’t want the babes outside midday and switched to a morning time. Which is all fine and dandy if you are a mom who reads the emails and realizes this. However, apparently I am not that mom. Not in this season of my life.
Whoops.
So, here, right now, I am letting go of this Mom Fail. I am moving forward.
I will remember to check my email.
I will figure out life as it happens.
I will give myself grace to make mistakes and then grow.
I will just keep doing me.
And, I’ll also say : Man, did I look fancy going on an ice cream date in this dress. When you tell your son we get to go to the ice cream shop instead of going to graduation, you just roll with the ‘dressy attire’ you already have on. You also explain that yes he did still graduate and he gets to go to kindergarten. That was all he was worried about, how many topping he could get and if he still could move on to kindergarten. Priorities.
// dress // bracelet stack // wrap bracelet // earrings // lipstick // foundation //
