Don’t you just love the simplicity of childhood?
The black and white.
The right and wrong.
The happy and the sad.
The summer break and the school year.
The ice cream stop and the no ice cream stop day.
That youthful innocence that provides us with the thought process of : one or the other.
No shades of grey.
None.
I’m sitting here wondering what adulthood would be like with a dichotomy like that.
Would our decisions be easier or would they be harder? Would we rest better at night or would we lay awake? Would we love ourselves more or less?
What would adults do without shades of grey?
I feel like so much of my life is lived in the fuzzy undefined grey area. The in between. The wrestling to make the right decisions, to find the right balance, to give myself enough grace.
I fell like I am always in those grey areas.
All fifty shades of them.
Where I am, but I am not.
Because, grey it’s not just a wall color. It’s a way of life.
Will I find an excuse, a reason, a fear in this grey area that makes it so I don’t pursue my goal, become a better mother, be less selfish, devote less time to God?
Grey opens up boundaries and conversations, but does it also limit us?
Do you hide in the grey instead of thrive?
Because, I don’t want to hide anymore. I don’t want to be stuck here for years to one day wake up and see that grey didn’t open up doors for me. It hid me. It buried me in the masses of all its shades. It didn’t say, “Hey pick yes or no! Be black or white! Follow your dream or don’t!” It allowed to me to wallow without defined goals and resolutions.
I don’t want my grey to be stagnant. I want my grey to be liberating. I want my grey to be colorful. I want me grey to be bold, and fearless. I want my grey to be that of a child just realizing there is a color, and option, and idea, that is between black and white, good or bad. I want to live on that edge of youthful innocence where the world isn’t finite, and grey means opportunity not self hinderances.
I want to live.
I want my grey to be bold.
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